"Shooting From Angles Not Covered By Any Other Blogs"

Friday, October 12, 2007

Cap-Strapped Rangers De-Cap-itate Cap-Happy Caps

Although the final score of 3-1 might not be indicative of de-Cap-itation, the Rangers total domination over the first two periods (in puck control, shots on goal and scoring chances) certainly does.

Besides, I’ve been waiting all summer to use this headline, and with only 3 games left against Washington, I might not have had another chance to use it this season.

For the Record: The salary cap numbers that I used for writing the above headline are accurate. According to NHLSCAP.com, the Rangers currently (before the potential signing of Dave Scatchard) are the fifth tightest cap team in the NHL, while the Capitals are the second loosest cap team in the NHL.

Humorist’s Hindsight: Mrs. Nylander may have escaped her Edmonton exile and Michael may have Cap-italized with an overpriced and over-extended four year contract (taking him past retirement age), but the Nylanders will never hoist the Stanley Cup. Despite their improved roster, Washington is just not going to be a prime time playoff performer.

Speaking of retirement, don’t you think it’s about time for Stan Fischler? By doing the unthinkable—simultaneously rooting for and appearing on the telecasts of the Rangers, Devils and Islanders—he’s made me sick to my stomach for years. But his comment on today’s MSG telecast should have had Rangers fans replacing their Rodent TV bricks with Fischler Barf Bags.

Fischler actually made a serious comment about expecting Ryan Hollweg to become a consistent goal scorer. I’ve checked with the local bookies and the odds of Hollweg achieving this science fictional leap of logic is listed right next to the odds of the following two scenarios: 1) Christian Dube and the Ferraro twins making a 2007 comeback for the Blueshirts, and 2) hell freezing over before the Ottawa game.

Rumor has it that the three ex-Rangers and Hades have had more takers than Hollweg.

For those who have wondered what happened to the Hockey Humorist over the past two months, the answer is two-fold. I simply don’t have the time anymore to write those long-winded, amusing, fact-filled, opinionated, semi-fictional stories.

Also, notwithstanding the loyal readers who enjoyed and understood my humor, it became obvious that most hockey fans are looking for facts, opinions and arguments, instead of laughs.

That having been said, I’ve decided to re-emerge with a change in format. I still intend to offer my opinions, while using facts to support them. And I still intend to focus on unique and amusing angles of NHL hockey (especially pertaining to the Rangers), while leaving the other traditional blogs and websites to provide you with most of your information. The difference is that I’m going to write in shorter snippets, as opposed to verbose storytelling.


The Dark Ranger said...

Well, well, well. A public well-come back to the True Enforcer of the Game of Hockey. The Humorist Himself.

We, in the hockey blogging world, missed you HH -- and The Dark Ranger will as always need a little support on the Dark Side of things when I am poaching a Devils or Flyers site here and there. Counting on you HH and you'll get the same in return. Kind of like putting Malik and Rozsival on the same line.

You can never say Cap again after this too.


In 2008, Baseball's Giants tie Hockey's Rangers at 54 said...

I'm glad to see both your return in the new format and the return of the Ranger powerplay.

At first, I thought that the Hockey Humorist had purposely decided to disappear on the 30th anniversary of Elvis's death.

The Hockey Humorist said...

Rest assured, unlike Elvis I am still alive.

In response to tdr, I don't expect to use the "C" word in relation to the hockey team from Washington, since they would be referred to with an "s" at the end.

However, it will be hard not to use use the "C" word if I decide to write about salary c_p issues.

In 2009, Giants reach 55 and pass Rangers said...

You could also use "Cap" to refer to a single player on the Washington team.