The following morsel - reshaped, recooked and reflavored by the imagination and slightly warped mind of The Hockey Humorist – was inspired by an original idea of the esteemed Hockey Rabbi.
It’s mid-August in the dead of summer with NHL activity nearly frozen still. At this time of the year hockey fans have two choices: either look ahead to next season at what might be, or look back to last season at what might have been. For the moment I propose that Ranger fans do the latter…
FLASHBACK! Madison Square Garden—May 1, 2007 at 9:44 PM. It was the most pivotal time of the entire roller coaster season—smack in the middle of an excruciatingly exciting, see-saw playoff series between the Rangers and Sabres. In dramatic fashion the Rangers had just evened up the series at 2 games a piece, when a controversial no-goal decision in the waning seconds allowed the Rangers to cling to victory by the “skin of their crease”.
Following game 4, Sabres head coach, Lindy Ruff, looked lost, and the answers he was searching for were not coming easily. How had his Presidents’ Trophy winning team dropped two straight games to a team who hadn’t beaten his squad all year long? Why was his offense, who could seemingly score at will during the regular season, having so much trouble lighting the lamp against the Blueshirts? What were the Rangers doing defensively to slow down his team’s warp-speed skating skills?
If the Sabres swords were silenced for good over the next two games, how would he ever be able to show his face in the city of Buffalo again—especially when the Sabre fans considered the 2007 Stanley Cup to be their entitlement? And finally, what could he possibly do to turn the tide when his ship and the series seemed to be sailing off into the sunset without the Sabres onboard?
Trying to put his best face forward, Ruff’s spoke optimistically—but he wasn’t fooling anyone. Ruff, who even later admitted the Rangers had “scared them to death”, was clearly a man in trouble that needed professional help.
It was at this fork on the road to the Stanley Cup, when the super-series met the super-natural. As Ruff exited the Garden, he was greeted by some eerily familiar music and two cabbies—one of whom bore a striking resemblance to the late Rod Serling, while the other was … NHL commissioner, Gary Bettman?
Bettman, trying to lure Ruff into his cab, attempted the best Yellow Medallion Taxicab driver impersonation he could muster up—but like most of Bettman’s endeavors to raise revenues (even one as simple as collecting taxi fare), all he did was screw it up. So given the choice between riding with a live, incompetent commissioner or a dead, neurotic writer/director, Lindy made the same choice that any sane hockey fan, player, or coach would have made—Ruff rode with Rod.
As this strange pair drove into the night, Serling began to explain to Ruff that many of the characters in his classic sci-fi/fantasy TV series faced similar dilemmas to the one that Ruff was now facing. And just when they were at the crossroads in their respective lives, these characters would unlock their proverbial doors “with the key of imagination”. Often, they would find their way and their answers by experiencing new places, new cultures and new ways of thinking.
Serling told him that now, through the dimensions of space, time, mind, and hockey blogs, Ruff will be rewarded with this kind of life changing (and possibly series changing) opportunity. As Serling stepped on the gas, the car and its two passengers were transported through some type of worm-hole in the space-time continuum. Once he saw the signpost up ahead, Ruff knew he had cleared Manhattan and had just crossed over into The Twilight Zone.
Serling dropped Ruff off in front of a synagogue, whose location could have been any city in the country. It was here that he was met by none other than our own Hockey Rabbi. Lindy’s first impressions of him were quite positive, as the Hockey Rabbi seemed to have a calming influence on the ruffled and riled Ruff.
As the two men walked towards the Hockey Rabbi’s office, Ruff couldn’t help but notice how those around him seemed at peace with their culture and their lives. Although he had no idea how far he was from Madison Square Garden, Lindy’s mind seemed to be a million miles away from the turmoil he had left behind.
Once in the Hockey Rabbi’s office, Ruff (noticeably more comfortable) laid across the sofa with his feet up on its side. He began pouring out all of his troubles to the Hockey Rabbi. He spoke about how his seemingly invincible team was proving to be very vulnerable, and that he was having trouble handling the burden that came with the fans and media having such high expectations for the Sabres.
The Hockey Rabbi responded with a quote from the Talmud (one of Judaism’s holiest works): “The burden is equal to the horse's strength”.
Ruff said that the strategies which had worked all season long were no longer working. He kept asking himself whether he should make changes or stay with the system that had been so successful. The Hockey Rabbi countered with the Yiddish saying: “Better ask ten times than go astray once”.
Then Lindy confided in the Hockey Rabbi by sharing his biggest fear of all—self doubts about his ability as a coach and whether he had what it took to overcome such adversity. Turning back to the Talmud, the Hockey Rabbi said, “Doubt cannot override a certainty”.
As the Hockey Rabbi addressed each of Ruff’s issues, Lindy’s spirits soared while his confidence climbed. Just as Serling had suggested, this previously unfamiliar culture and way of thought gave Ruff the fresh perspective that he needed. Empowered by his new found wisdom, Lindy was all smiles now as he noshed on a knish (snacked on a potato pancake).
By the end of the session, he was in Olam Haba (Heaven—sort of). The therapeutic breakthrough led the two men to perform an extremely vigorous, celebratory “Hava Nageela” type dance in the middle of the Hockey Rabbi’s office.
During the dance, Ruff’s athleticism became apparent as his powerful legs kicked over racks of books, the Hockey Rabbi’s souvenir hockey pucks, the knish and its dish, and everything else that got in the way of Lucky Lindy’s size 12 shoes. Ruff gave the Hockey Rabbi such naches (fatherly pride) for all that he had achieved in such a short time.
The next day, after traveling (with Serling) back through the worm-hole and meeting up with his team in Buffalo, the rejuvenated Ruff knew exactly what to do. The first order of business was to have the Sabre players replace their hockey helmets with Sabre-themed yarmulkes (skullcaps or beanies), which left the team scratching their heads—and not because of itchy material.
The next course of action was to change the menu at the HSBC arena for game 5. All beer was replaced by varieties of Manischewitz wine. All ice-cream was served in a Cohn. Popcorn was replaced by grebenes, French fries replaced by potato latkes, etc. As far as hot dogs were concerned—no problem. But Ruff made sure that the HSBC management and their purveyors answered to a “higher authority”, and only kosher hot dogs would be placed in their challah (Jewish bread) buns.
Just before the opening face-off for game 5, everything was looking rozewe (rosy) for Ruff. That is until Lindy received some really Ruff news from a Sabre team official— the Hockey Rabbi wasn’t a real Rabbi at all. In fact, he’s an attorney who is of all things: A RANGER FAN!
Apparently Sabre surveillance tapes (of game 4 at MSG) showed the Hockey Rabbi in the seats behind the Ranger bench, wearing a Jaromir Jagr jersey and passing out business cards—thus “spilling the beans” on this buttinski (a derogatory Slovak slang word for attorney).
Ruff was shocked, utterly panicked and once again lost. Lindy proceeded to botch every conceivable coaching maneuver and strategy over the next two games. Among other things, he continuously mismatched line combinations, repeatedly received bench minors for too many men on the ice, and was frequently overheard calling all his players either Scheider, Halpern, or Cammalleri—the last names of the only Jewish hockey players in the NHL.
At the end of this fiasco with the Sabres being humiliated and eliminated in 6 games, Ruff’s mind (along with the Sabres patience for his blunders) finally snapped—leading to a complete mental breakdown.
All kinds of thoughts started racing through Ruff’s head, such as: Did Serling set me up? Was I just the butt-end of a posthumous, surreal Serling reality show? Instead, should I have boarded with Bettman? What am I thinking—how could anyone rely on Bettman? I must be crazy for even considering it! What’s happening to me? How could the season have collapsed so suddenly?...
At the press conference that followed game 6, Ruff was in no condition to speak to the media. He was, however, sitting within earshot of the press conference under a doctor’s supervision. Dehydrated and hungry, the doctor had given Ruff a bowl of chicken soup. Why chicken soup? Well, for one “it couldn’t hurt”—and besides Ruff was not in the frame of mind to realize the cultural significance of his meal.
On the podium, Buffalo GM, Darcy Regier, addressed the media and told them that Ruff was suffering from a rare condition called Neuro-Hockrabitis. Regier tried to ease the concerns of the media, team and fans by reassuring everyone that the Sabres were sending Ruff to the best clinic in the world for this rare condition. This would take Ruff’s mind completely away from the past week’s events. After the media naturally asked where the clinic was, Regier innocently answered, “Jerusalem”.
Immediately as Ruff overheard the location of his impending medical treatment and convalescence, the entire week’s nightmare replayed through his head. As the image of Serling entered his thoughts, that eerie music started playing again and just as quickly as he had entered it, Lindy abruptly exited The Twilight Zone…
BACK TO REALITY - As you obviously know, Lindy Ruff never saw the Hockey Rabbi on that fateful day in early May. Instead he gathered himself, regrouped his team and led them to a 6 game victory in the series over the gallant, but overmatched Rangers. However, as is often the case in dreams, there was a “kernel of truth” in the fantasy we just experienced.
It turns out that the Hockey Rabbi does offer his services to those people (who after living through the Rangers-Sabres playoff series) are in most in need of it. Who might that be? Why the Ranger fans of course.
The Hockey Rabbi would be happy to provide a personal consultation with any Ranger fan…for $400 per hour. What!!! $400 per hour??? Remember, I told you that he was an attorney, not a therapist nor a real rabbi. In fact, I understand that a group of Ranger fans are paying the Hockey Rabbi quite handsomely to file a lawsuit on behalf of Henrik Lundquist (against his teammates) for lack of support in game 6.
Naturally this might invoke from you the usual series of lawyer jokes, such as the “Lawyers take everything joke” - A reporter outside of a courtroom asked a defendant clad only in a barrel: "Oh, I see your attorney lost the case!" The defendant answered, "No, we won." Or perhaps you prefer—Question: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? Answer: A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer. And so forth and so on…
But never one to allow himself to be holding the short end of the hockey stick, the Hockey Rabbi’s response would probably be: "Zolst farliren aleh tseyner achitz eynm, un dos zol dir vey ton". What does that mean? Never mind, but I can assure you, he just got even!
However, before you jump to conclusions about the Hockey Rabbi, you should know that he is quite generous in many ways. For openers, he asked nothing in return for giving me the original idea that was twistingly morphed into this post (thus earning him the post’s primary assist).
Also, if you go to http://www.hockeyrabbi.typepad.com/, he will treat you 24 hours a day (365 days a year—except on the Sabbath and other Jewish holidays) to wisdom, insight and commentary about the New York Rangers and the rest of the league—AT NO CHARGE!
A Metziah! (Such a Deal!)
For the Record: There is no lawsuit being filed by The Hockey Rabbi against the Rangers players or organization. He is a real estate attorney, who charges reasonable fees for his services. The non-translated insult at the end of the post is a real Yiddish insult that roughly translates as: "May you lose all your teeth but one, and may that one ache.” Also, it is unknown whether Lindy Ruff actual wears size 12 shoes.
Finally, I want to clarify that in the dream sequence of my story, Lindy Ruff’s fictional character was portrayed as embracing the Jewish culture. Ruff’s character freaked out because once he discovered that The Hockey Rabbi was a Ranger fan, he realized that he had been mentored by someone who was rooting against his team. The character’s reaction was not intended to be a display of anti-Semitism.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Will the Rangers go 'All the Way'?—Size Does Matter
In addition to staying True Blue to my tagline of “Shooting From Angles Not Covered By Any Other Blogs”, I am going to be just a little forward and fire my rubber load (so to speak) in the direction of a subject that I have yet to see mentioned on any Ranger blogs, websites, message boards, newspapers or magazines. And if this subject has been covered in any of the aforementioned forms of “social intercourse”, its coverage has been scanty.
While the main focus continues to be (and justifiably so) on the Rangers sizzling summer, double-dip splash into the UFA pool—A.K.A. Scott Gomez and Chris Drury—other ubiquitous Ranger topics include:
While the main focus continues to be (and justifiably so) on the Rangers sizzling summer, double-dip splash into the UFA pool—A.K.A. Scott Gomez and Chris Drury—other ubiquitous Ranger topics include:
- Draft day’s Russian Heist (Alexei Cherapanov),
- The relatively peaceful signings of Henrik Lundquist, Brendan Shanahan, Petr Prucha and Marcel Hossa,
- The signing of Sean Avery after an ornery arbitration hearing (and its long-term consequences),
- The trading of Matt Cullen and who his replacement will be,
- The potential impact of Marc Staal and other highly touted prospects,
- What will become of the current glut of defensemen and how the defense corps will ultimately pan out,
- General opinions on the Rangers chances of winning the Stanley Cup, etc.
What never seems to be brought up is a very simple question: Are the Rangers physically equipped to be capable of winning the Stanley Cup? One of the reasons this potent poser should be a timely one is the urge that some of the league has had to enlarge since the events of last spring.
Once the Anaheim Ducks consummated their season with hockey’s ultimate gratification, the Stanley Cup, some NHL teams have chosen to “go with the flow” and mimic the mighty Ducks. This was evident in the 2007 entry draft, where some teams refused to succumb to the temptation of raw talent, and instead decided to reload their pistols with brawnier ammunition. After all, in this copy-cat league the physically dominant Ducks have become the envy of all their gamey rivals in the hunt for next year’s big prize.
One might argue that the league’s rules favor fast, skilled teams—not necessarily big ones, and Anaheim’s championship was more an aberration as opposed to the beginning of a new trend. This argument would be supported by the fact that no Stanley Cup winner has repeated in 10 years, and that historically a size advantage in the playoffs doesn’t necessarily become the deciding factor.
The Philadelphia Flyers, in their Bobby Clarke days, are the probably the best examples. On the other hand, had the Flyers actually added an elite goalie to the mix for many of these years, their physicality might have been the force that carried them over the top to lift Lord Stanley’s Cup.
The biggest difference between today’s hefty hockey teams and those of yesteryear is that some of the current NHL teams, namely Anaheim and San Jose, have a frightening combination of size, strength, speed and youth. Anyone, who was watching the Detroit-San Jose series, would have bet the family fish tank after game 3 that the Sharks were going to swim away with this one.
But despite being seemingly over-aged, out-muscled, out-skated and out-matched for much of the first 3 games, Detroit proved in a stunning 3 game turnaround that a “strength of character” advantage can sometimes offset an entire host of physical deficiencies. Should the Sharks be able to overcome their character issues this year, their daunting endowment of assets might make them the favorites to sink their teeth into the Cup.
Anaheim is dealing with a number off-season issues often encountered by defending Stanley Cup champions, such as players contemplating retirement and an increase in their players’ perceived value (and salary demands). This often leads to the loss of some players, who are lured away by other teams willing to overpay for their services.
So depending on how things shake out for Anaheim, they could be headed for a fall this spring. On the other hand, should Anaheim eventually be able to get their Ducks in a row without ruffling too many of their franchise feathers, they will be every bit as formidable as they were last year.
What about the Rangers? As much as I enjoyed their brilliant resurrection late last season, which climaxed with an improbable surge to the playoffs and a first round thumping of a throttled Thrasher team, I knew that they realistically had no chance of “going all the way”. Although the Rangers inevitable encounter with the Buffalo proved to be a much closer contest than I could have ever anticipated, ultimately they were destined to succumb to the Sabres wealth of weapons.
But even if the Rangers could have pulled off the humongous upset against Buffalo and had the stamina to outlast the Senators (in what would have been a tough and evenly matched series), their bubble would certainly have burst against a physically superior Western Conference foe.
In the playoffs, much of a team’s success depends upon which opponents they are pitted against and how well they match-up against them. The Rangers had plenty of skill and speed, but not nearly as much as Buffalo.
The Rangers certainly had enough size and grit to physically stand up to any Eastern Conference team that made the tournament, but not nearly enough to withstand the perpetual pounding that they would have received at the hands of the Ducks or Sharks. Had the Rangers encountered either of these teams in the Finals, they would have been eaten alive—as Duck soup for Anaheim or as Shark bait for San Jose.
In fact, the Rangers were fortunate that Philadelphia and Toronto didn’t make the playoffs last year. In the regular season, even though the Rangers could compete with these teams, it was obvious that both the Flyers and Leafs were more broadly built than the Blueshirts. Had the Rangers faced either squad in the post season, they would have had trouble holding their own in hit-for-hit hockey.
Of course, the more drawn-out a series becomes and the further into the playoffs the match-up occurs, the more difficult it is for a smaller team to cope with the carnage inflicted by their colossal counterparts. This means that the Rangers would have a better chance of surviving this kind of clash had it occurred in the first or second round, as opposed to the final two rounds.
Relatively also enters into this equation. Certainly a team can more easily overcome a disadvantage, if the disadvantage is a minor or moderate one. A real mismatch can arise when one team has substantial supremacy in size, speed, or skill.
As teams continue to assemble the off-season pieces to their respective puzzles, it’s hard to say for certain how much of a relative advantage/disadvantage each club will have next year in the desirable attributes of size, speed, and skill. We won’t know the answers until each team’s internal competitions have been decided in league-wide training camps and all their final transactions have been made.
Aside from particular line combinations and defensemen pairings, the Rangers really have only a few spots that remain in question. I'm assuming that Ryan Callahan and Daniel Girardi have completed their post graduation requirements from the Hartford Academy and will remain in New York, along with two year veteran, Hossa. That leaves only one center position, a couple of fourth line positions, and one or two defense positions remaining in limbo (assuming no further trades).
Therefore, we have a pretty good picture of how the Rangers breakdown in some of the key physical categories. They would appear to have good (but not excellent) team speed and plenty of skill that would probably allow them to stay competitive (in this sense) with just about any team in the playoffs—especially since the Sabres machine lost two of their main cogs in Briere and Drury.
Although the Rangers parted with a very speedy center in Matt Cullen and a very skilled center in Michael Nylander, they picked up two very fast centers in Gomez and Drury—with Gomez possessing excellent playmaking skills and Drury bringing a host of intangible qualities (one of which bit the Blueshirts in the butt in game 5 of the Sabres series).
As far as size and strength goes, they’re simply not among the Rangers strong suits—notwithstanding a couple of players whose physical force could potentially wear down their playoff opponents, such as Jaromir Jagr and Hossa.
This is not to say that the Blueshirts don’t have some gritty players, as well as some other players (aside from Jagr and Hossa) of impressive stature—at least 6’1” and over 210 lbs. It’s just that Shanahan, Marik Malik and Paul Mara don’t play a physical style that wears down the opposition, while Colton Orr and Jason Strudwick are fringe players who are often not dressed.
Brad Isbister, whose offensive capabilities could never be confused with Joe Thornton’s, did provide the Rangers with some well-needed bulk late last season and in the playoffs. His ability to work the boards, cycle the puck and compliment Jagr made him an effective player, and in that sense, he will be missed.
I should also mention that if the question mark at center is answered by Brandon Dubinsky, then on top of the other talents he brings to the table, his ponderous proportions and feistiness would definitely be a welcomed addition to the team.
Overall, I would say that the Rangers could physically endure a playoff series against most teams, but would very likely get blown away by the power of some of the jumbo jets they could engage in battle.
The reason that I’ve barely touched upon the “joys of youth” is because a Stanley Cup championship team is generally composed of a nice blend of young bucks and wily vets. Next season, the Rangers will probably have the right mixture of those ingredients.
Perhaps the most important factor in determining whether the Rangers have a chance to “win it all” is chance itself. Who knows if the elements that GM, Glen Sather, compounds will result in good chemistry? Who knows how healthy the team will be, especially heading into the playoffs? Who knows if a topsy-turvy season will be topsy or turvy in late April? And finally, who knows in the pursuit of the ultimate conquest, what sequence of opponents will need to be conquered?
So with size being one of many uncertain variables, will Lady Luck scorn the Rangers for their physical shortcomings? Or will the Rangers have the goods to get the gold (silver in this case)?
These answers will go a long way in determining how deeply they can penetrate into the big dance come next spring. The final score will either show the Rangers living large as Stanley Cup champions, or being pre-maturely humbled as inadequate also-rans.
Postscript: Should the Rangers surmount all the obstacles and defy all the odds this season to hoist hockey’s Holy Grail, then next summer they would be wise to beware of invaders from the Great White North (Edmonton). For if “Kevin the Poacher” aims his next Lowe blow at the Rangers family jewels, they must prepare themselves by defending their Cup.
Friday, August 3, 2007
How Sather 'Dropped His Briefs' to Let Sean Avery Escape .... In a White Ford Bronco???
In the worst jurisprudence blunder since the Simpson prosecutors allowed O.J. to handle his own gloves on the witness stand in the 1995 “Trial of the Century”, Rangers general manager Glen Sather has made a “bloody mess” of the entire Sean Avery affair.
Please understand that I’m not trying to equate the injustice of a double homicide with the incompetence of a poorly executed contract negotiation, as this would be highly insensitive to the homicide victims and their families. However, there are two scarcely mentioned (yet undeniable) links between the New York Rangers and O.J. Simpson.
The first part of this irrevocable bond occurred on June 17, 1994, when just hours after the Rangers and their fans celebrated the recent Stanley Cup victory with a downtown ticker tape parade, Simpson & Co. (inside the White Ford Bronco) began their historic “slow speed chase” with the LAPD.
The second (more indirect) link was that the insatiable public appetite for anything and everything Simpson-related after June 17, along with the accompanying “media circus”, forced Sports Illustrated to place Simpson’s police mug shot on the front cover of their next issue. This is a spot that SI was unquestionably reserving for the story about how the Rangers had finally ended their 54 year curse (1940-1994).
And speaking of curses (while getting back to Avery), if Rangers fans thought that the 54 year hex was a “bitch to bear”, it might be nothing compared to what awaits them after next summer. Because at that time (barring a miraculous and unlikely reconciliation), Avery, who is already known on the ice as trash-talking, vindictive, contentious and the “most hated player in NHL” (as voted on by his peers), will hit the UFA market.
Armed with a rolling bank vault instead of a shopping cart, Avery will enter the market with a chip on his shoulder the size of Mount Everest, along with a venomous vendetta aimed directly at Sather and (by default) his entire organization. And the most unfortunate aspect to this entire debacle is that it could have been so easily avoided—several different ways.
The first way Sather could have avoided the Avery ordeal focuses on the root cause of the problem—which is the Rangers tight salary cap numbers. When Slats signed premier UFAs, Scott Gomez and Chris Drury, for a combined $14.4 million per cap year, it put a noose around the Rangers “cap collar”. The “cap collar” has been tightened a notch by each additional signing with only the Matt Cullen trade providing any slack.
It’s far too early to judge the Gomez/Drury signings with so many factors to be determined down the road, such as: how well the two play on Broadway, how much longer some of the other highly paid veterans play, how well the Rangers low-salaried prospects pan out over the next few years, how the salary cap upper limit fluctuates in upcoming years, etc.
I also can’t find fault with the signings of Prucha, Lundquist and Hossa, as the cap realities in addition to the three players wanting to be part of this year’s potential Cup run, allowed all parties to come to fairly amicable, short term resolutions.
There is one glaring exception here—Brendan Shanahan. Don’t get me wrong, I love Shanahan as much as the next Rangers fan, and I’m delighted that he’s back with the team. He provides leadership, character, professionalism, team spirit, versatility, endless hustle, and even occasional goals. Occasional? I will clarify this with cold, hard facts.
After his stellar scoring stampede of the first 29 games (22 goals on 141 shots, 15.6% SP), Shanahan’s scoring stumbled sharply in the next 29 games (6 goals on 116 shots, 5.2% SP). These are his pre-concussion stats. In the final 9 games of the season, he scored 1 goal on 38 shots with a 2.6% SP—giving him a total of 7 goals on 154 shots (4.5% SP) over his last 38 regular season games.
One could argue that he is a streaky player who was in a slump—but for 38 games (29 pre-concussion) I don’t buy it. Notwithstanding a fine 5 goal (12.2% SP in 10 games) playoff performance, which I admit does give me a little bit of reservation here, it would seem that Shanahan’s days as a 40-50 goal scorer are behind him.
Furthermore, Shanahan didn’t show particularly good chemistry with several linemates (Prucha being the most glaring), nor with Jagr on the Power Play. Far too often Shanahan’s presence on a line caused his linemates to focus primarily on feeding him the puck for his classic one-timers—which is just fine—if he scores on them a lot more than the 4.5% of the time he did over the last 38 regular season games.
My point is that at age 38 (soon to be 39) Shanahan has become somewhere between a valuable role player and a star, and he should be paid accordingly. Much to his credit, Shanahan didn’t want to talk to other teams, so he could be part of a potentially special Ranger squad this year. Given that he essentially said he would do anything that made financial sense for the Rangers to help accomplish this goal, it seems to me that $5.3 million ($2.5 counting towards this year’s cap) is ridiculously high.
At most he should have received the $4 million ($2 million salary & $2 million bonus) he earned last year, or even $3 million ($1.5 million salary & $1.5 million bonus). Had Sather paid Shanahan reasonably, he would have had another $500,000 to $1 million of salary cap room this year that could easily have been sent Avery’s way to avoid any arbitration and the ensuing consequences.
In fact, if it ever came down to prioritizing between Avery and Shanahan (in this stage of their careers), I’d choose Avery. The Rangers went 17-6-6 with Avery in the lineup. In games that Avery played and Shanahan didn’t, the Rangers went 8-3-4. In games that Shanahan played and Avery didn’t, the Rangers went 25-24-4.
Certainly a stingier defense and sharper goaltending were big factors in the Rangers surge to the playoffs, but Avery was perhaps the biggest single factor in the Rangers remarkable turnaround last season. As Larry Brooks of the New York Post wrote it in this article, Avery added “a jagged edge to a team that had been way too smooth for its own good the first four months of the season.”
Avery, at age 27 and in his prime, got under the skin of his opponents—drawing far more penalties than he took. He displayed never ending energy, hustle and grit—while proving that he also had plenty of speed, skill and scoring ability.
He kept himself in control (just enough) to be an extremely effective player without overly rocking the Rangers burgeoning boat along the way. And on top of all this, he played with an assortment of injuries that would have kept many a tough competitor out of the lineup.
Let’s face it, when the Rangers trashed the Thrashers in that four game playoff mercy killing, was there any Ranger more valuable than Avery? In addition to his offense output of 1 goal and 4 assists, Avery had the Thrashers top line so uncomfortably pestered that they looked as though they were skating in circles the entire series in search of insect repellent.
No doubt, Avery has become a player whose intangible value is almost immeasurable. And for the first time in his career, Avery has built a connection with the fans, his team and their city. They love Avery, and in turn, Avery loves playing for them. This nomad had finally found a home.
Now all of this is not to say that Avery wasn’t in need of an attitude adjustment when he first arrived with the Rangers—a procedure that quickly and somewhat surprisingly was deemed a success (much to the credit of Shanahan). However, as we’ve discussed, attitudes weren’t the only thing in Rangerland that needed adjusting.
Just like piano strings have to be tuned every once in awhile, I’d say that Sather’s purse strings (as well as his priorities) could have used a fine tuning before July 1—with some purse strings being far too loose while others being far too tight. Had Slats been tuned in time, Avery could have been rewarded for his outstanding efforts from last season, and the ugly events of the past week could have been avoided.
But even after the fiscal mistakes (detailed above) were in the rear view mirror, Sather could have driven the dangerous Avery (and all his personal baggage) to safety, if not for the second of his three mistakes. This glaring mistake was in not settling the matter before the arbitration hearing for the obvious $2 million compromise.
This is something that everybody with at least one marble rolling around in their head knew was going to happen anyway. The Blueshirt Bulletin summarizes its best in a post entitled: Why Bother?
Why didn’t both parties meet around the $2 million range, given that the numbers submitted at arbitration were $2.6 million by Avery and $1.3 million by Sather? Perhaps it was mutual stubbornness by two people with a history of having rather contrary dispositions.
Right now it is unclear if either side offered the $2 million compromise and other side refused. If Avery was the one to refuse, then most of the blame would point at him. However, Sather’s reputation for playing hardball with his RFA entrants make him the odds on favorite in this blame-game derby.
Still, despite these “comedy of errors”, the real damage had not yet been done. The third way this fiasco was avoidable would have been if Sather had used a more long-sighted, diplomatic approach throughout the arbitration process. Had he done so, Slats wouldn’t have pushed the volatile Avery into feelings of shock, resentment and disbelief.
The handling of Avery, both on the ice and in negotiations, is as delicate a task as handling Nitroglycerine. Done properly, and Avery becomes a powerful weapon capable of helping you win wars. Done carelessly, and Avery can blow up in your face.
I realize that Avery and Sather both signed the arbitrator’s $1.9 million peace offering and that both sides are now talking “nice-nice”. But Avery’s initial reaction to Sather’s overly harsh treatment of him during the arbitration process is proof that Slats had already dropped the Nitro, and the inevitable explosion will come next summer.
Ordinarily the story would end here because we all know what happened and why it happened … or do we? It turns out that up until now, we’ve only been presented with a partial picture of the events surrounding the arbitration process. However, brand new evidence from a strange, yet somewhat familiar, source will astound even the hardened hockey fan.
The source I speak of is now a part-time European scout for the Rangers. He is a Finnish man with a somewhat Czech-ered past, including a stint as an actor in both Finland and the Czech Republic. Having a hard time making ends meet, he once appeared in a Finnish porn film— getting a good “bang for the buck”.
This scout, who is extremely affable, has a magnetic personality—especially when it comes to beautiful women. He understands the English language quite well when heard or in writing, but he barely speaks a word of it. He is very popular with the Rangers brass when he comes to New York—not the least of which is because of his reputation for knowing how to find all the best European hotspots and parties in Manhattan.
So when he comes to town, it’s nothing for Ranger employees to “put him up” in their guest houses. Wait a minute…guest houses? It couldn’t be...could it? Remember, I said he was Finnish, so you know that we’re not talking about Kato. His name is actually Reijo—Reijo Raitinen.
According to Raitinen, Sather was very thorough in his preparation for the Avery arbitration hearing—gathering documentation on Avery’s entire career. Contrary to popular belief, Slats put together a fair, reasonable outline that effectively stated the Rangers case without being overly harsh to Avery. Sather intended to use the information contained in the outline to create a brief for the arbitration proceedings.
The night before the Rangers had to present the Avery brief to the arbitrator, Sather and a lower-level, but trusted, assistant were having coffee at local bistro. All of the Avery documentation was in Sather’s briefcase when Slats and his assistant went to the men’s room to answer nature’s cappuccino call.
Both men were standing at the urinals when Sather (with one hand holding his briefcase) used his other hand to loosen his own belt. It is at this time when Sather endured the executive embarrassment of eternity, which began when Slats’ slacks slipped (try saying that 3 times fast).
Then, while trying to grab his trousers, Sather’s hand hooked his Hanes—accidentally pulling them down. And when I say that Sather “dropped his briefs”, I mean that Sather really dropped his briefs—as the Avery documents came tumbling out of his briefcase and all over the grungy bathroom floor.
Bottomless, bewildered and berserk, Sather frantically put the papers back in the folders. However, in his haste Slats placed the papers from Avery’s “Pre-Rangers” folder into the “2007 Arbitration” folder and vice-versa.
Completely pressed for time now, Sather handed his “2007 Arbitration” folder to his assistant, who then couriered them to Cam Hope, the Rangers Assistant General Manger of Hockey Operations. Then against all hope, Cam wrote the final arbitration briefs from misplaced documents out of the wrong folder.
The Avery briefs presented to the arbitrator said (among other disparaging verbiage) that Avery was “a reasonably effective player as well as a detriment to the team”. This statement is absolutely true—from 1999 to February 4, 2006. Shortly after February 5, 2006 (the day he was traded to the Rangers) we all know that Avery was an extremely effective player who was a major asset to the team.
By the time of the arbitration date, July 30, the briefs had already been submitted to the arbitrator. Sather had since discovered the mistake, but it was too late—they had to proceed with what they had previously written. As Sather and Hope (soiled briefs and all) stormed into the hearing, they replaced Simpson detectives, Tom Lange and Philip Vannatter, as the latest version of “Dumb and Dumber”.
Of course, the ultimate irony in this fantastic farce is that it was never a case of premeditated mediation mangling (as commonly believed), instead it was a case of unplanned underwear undermining.
You may ask how did Reijo learn the details of the “Brew House Brief Bungling”? Apparently on the night of July 30, while “hanging” at the Rangers corporate offices, he heard three mysterious, loud thumps. Quite concerned, Reijo had a secretary call the police. After detectives investigated the incident, they discovered no signs of burglary or foul play. Instead, the sounds actually came from Sather himself, who had pounded his fist on desk three times in anger over the day’s events.
You may also ask how do I know Reijo? Well, it turns out that we have a mutual friend—
the girl he costarred with in that Finnish flesh flick. She and I have what you might call a...uh-hum...professional relationship.
How will all that transpired affect the Rangers in the short-term? Ironically, it could help them. With Avery playing like man possessed next year (trying to earn a big UFA payday) and the Rangers having a very strong team already, a little luck and some timely tinkering by the otherwise competent Sather could result in another ticker tape parade down the Canyon of Heroes next June.
Certainly, the Rangers are considered contenders for the Cup, but in all likelihood their chances of winning it are relatively low. As good as they are, the Rangers still have a number of holes to fill, and the very competitive nature of the NHL makes it difficult for any team to win it all.
As for the long-term consequences of the Avery affair, fear not, I have no doubt that one day the Rangers will again “Skate the Cup”. The only problem I have with this prediction is that of timing—given that the Rangers big day might well be the same day that O.J. and his posse of PIs make good on their 1994 promise and catch the “real killer”.
Which leads to my final word of warning to Ranger fans—don’t hold your collective breaths while waiting for the next Stanley Cup. With the “Avery Curse” soon to be hanging over the Rangers heads, this wait may “last a lifetime”.
DISCLAIMERS: Everything written after (and including) the paragraph that begins “Ordinarily the story would end here…” is completely fabricated—a figment of my “slightly-warped” imagination. To the best of my knowledge Slats' slacks never slipped, and every fan’s favorite Finnish house guest, Reijo Raitinen, does not actually exist—but it was sure fun partying with him!
Please understand that I’m not trying to equate the injustice of a double homicide with the incompetence of a poorly executed contract negotiation, as this would be highly insensitive to the homicide victims and their families. However, there are two scarcely mentioned (yet undeniable) links between the New York Rangers and O.J. Simpson.
The first part of this irrevocable bond occurred on June 17, 1994, when just hours after the Rangers and their fans celebrated the recent Stanley Cup victory with a downtown ticker tape parade, Simpson & Co. (inside the White Ford Bronco) began their historic “slow speed chase” with the LAPD.
The second (more indirect) link was that the insatiable public appetite for anything and everything Simpson-related after June 17, along with the accompanying “media circus”, forced Sports Illustrated to place Simpson’s police mug shot on the front cover of their next issue. This is a spot that SI was unquestionably reserving for the story about how the Rangers had finally ended their 54 year curse (1940-1994).
And speaking of curses (while getting back to Avery), if Rangers fans thought that the 54 year hex was a “bitch to bear”, it might be nothing compared to what awaits them after next summer. Because at that time (barring a miraculous and unlikely reconciliation), Avery, who is already known on the ice as trash-talking, vindictive, contentious and the “most hated player in NHL” (as voted on by his peers), will hit the UFA market.
Armed with a rolling bank vault instead of a shopping cart, Avery will enter the market with a chip on his shoulder the size of Mount Everest, along with a venomous vendetta aimed directly at Sather and (by default) his entire organization. And the most unfortunate aspect to this entire debacle is that it could have been so easily avoided—several different ways.
The first way Sather could have avoided the Avery ordeal focuses on the root cause of the problem—which is the Rangers tight salary cap numbers. When Slats signed premier UFAs, Scott Gomez and Chris Drury, for a combined $14.4 million per cap year, it put a noose around the Rangers “cap collar”. The “cap collar” has been tightened a notch by each additional signing with only the Matt Cullen trade providing any slack.
It’s far too early to judge the Gomez/Drury signings with so many factors to be determined down the road, such as: how well the two play on Broadway, how much longer some of the other highly paid veterans play, how well the Rangers low-salaried prospects pan out over the next few years, how the salary cap upper limit fluctuates in upcoming years, etc.
I also can’t find fault with the signings of Prucha, Lundquist and Hossa, as the cap realities in addition to the three players wanting to be part of this year’s potential Cup run, allowed all parties to come to fairly amicable, short term resolutions.
There is one glaring exception here—Brendan Shanahan. Don’t get me wrong, I love Shanahan as much as the next Rangers fan, and I’m delighted that he’s back with the team. He provides leadership, character, professionalism, team spirit, versatility, endless hustle, and even occasional goals. Occasional? I will clarify this with cold, hard facts.
After his stellar scoring stampede of the first 29 games (22 goals on 141 shots, 15.6% SP), Shanahan’s scoring stumbled sharply in the next 29 games (6 goals on 116 shots, 5.2% SP). These are his pre-concussion stats. In the final 9 games of the season, he scored 1 goal on 38 shots with a 2.6% SP—giving him a total of 7 goals on 154 shots (4.5% SP) over his last 38 regular season games.
One could argue that he is a streaky player who was in a slump—but for 38 games (29 pre-concussion) I don’t buy it. Notwithstanding a fine 5 goal (12.2% SP in 10 games) playoff performance, which I admit does give me a little bit of reservation here, it would seem that Shanahan’s days as a 40-50 goal scorer are behind him.
Furthermore, Shanahan didn’t show particularly good chemistry with several linemates (Prucha being the most glaring), nor with Jagr on the Power Play. Far too often Shanahan’s presence on a line caused his linemates to focus primarily on feeding him the puck for his classic one-timers—which is just fine—if he scores on them a lot more than the 4.5% of the time he did over the last 38 regular season games.
My point is that at age 38 (soon to be 39) Shanahan has become somewhere between a valuable role player and a star, and he should be paid accordingly. Much to his credit, Shanahan didn’t want to talk to other teams, so he could be part of a potentially special Ranger squad this year. Given that he essentially said he would do anything that made financial sense for the Rangers to help accomplish this goal, it seems to me that $5.3 million ($2.5 counting towards this year’s cap) is ridiculously high.
At most he should have received the $4 million ($2 million salary & $2 million bonus) he earned last year, or even $3 million ($1.5 million salary & $1.5 million bonus). Had Sather paid Shanahan reasonably, he would have had another $500,000 to $1 million of salary cap room this year that could easily have been sent Avery’s way to avoid any arbitration and the ensuing consequences.
In fact, if it ever came down to prioritizing between Avery and Shanahan (in this stage of their careers), I’d choose Avery. The Rangers went 17-6-6 with Avery in the lineup. In games that Avery played and Shanahan didn’t, the Rangers went 8-3-4. In games that Shanahan played and Avery didn’t, the Rangers went 25-24-4.
Certainly a stingier defense and sharper goaltending were big factors in the Rangers surge to the playoffs, but Avery was perhaps the biggest single factor in the Rangers remarkable turnaround last season. As Larry Brooks of the New York Post wrote it in this article, Avery added “a jagged edge to a team that had been way too smooth for its own good the first four months of the season.”
Avery, at age 27 and in his prime, got under the skin of his opponents—drawing far more penalties than he took. He displayed never ending energy, hustle and grit—while proving that he also had plenty of speed, skill and scoring ability.
He kept himself in control (just enough) to be an extremely effective player without overly rocking the Rangers burgeoning boat along the way. And on top of all this, he played with an assortment of injuries that would have kept many a tough competitor out of the lineup.
Let’s face it, when the Rangers trashed the Thrashers in that four game playoff mercy killing, was there any Ranger more valuable than Avery? In addition to his offense output of 1 goal and 4 assists, Avery had the Thrashers top line so uncomfortably pestered that they looked as though they were skating in circles the entire series in search of insect repellent.
No doubt, Avery has become a player whose intangible value is almost immeasurable. And for the first time in his career, Avery has built a connection with the fans, his team and their city. They love Avery, and in turn, Avery loves playing for them. This nomad had finally found a home.
Now all of this is not to say that Avery wasn’t in need of an attitude adjustment when he first arrived with the Rangers—a procedure that quickly and somewhat surprisingly was deemed a success (much to the credit of Shanahan). However, as we’ve discussed, attitudes weren’t the only thing in Rangerland that needed adjusting.
Just like piano strings have to be tuned every once in awhile, I’d say that Sather’s purse strings (as well as his priorities) could have used a fine tuning before July 1—with some purse strings being far too loose while others being far too tight. Had Slats been tuned in time, Avery could have been rewarded for his outstanding efforts from last season, and the ugly events of the past week could have been avoided.
But even after the fiscal mistakes (detailed above) were in the rear view mirror, Sather could have driven the dangerous Avery (and all his personal baggage) to safety, if not for the second of his three mistakes. This glaring mistake was in not settling the matter before the arbitration hearing for the obvious $2 million compromise.
This is something that everybody with at least one marble rolling around in their head knew was going to happen anyway. The Blueshirt Bulletin summarizes its best in a post entitled: Why Bother?
Why didn’t both parties meet around the $2 million range, given that the numbers submitted at arbitration were $2.6 million by Avery and $1.3 million by Sather? Perhaps it was mutual stubbornness by two people with a history of having rather contrary dispositions.
Right now it is unclear if either side offered the $2 million compromise and other side refused. If Avery was the one to refuse, then most of the blame would point at him. However, Sather’s reputation for playing hardball with his RFA entrants make him the odds on favorite in this blame-game derby.
Still, despite these “comedy of errors”, the real damage had not yet been done. The third way this fiasco was avoidable would have been if Sather had used a more long-sighted, diplomatic approach throughout the arbitration process. Had he done so, Slats wouldn’t have pushed the volatile Avery into feelings of shock, resentment and disbelief.
The handling of Avery, both on the ice and in negotiations, is as delicate a task as handling Nitroglycerine. Done properly, and Avery becomes a powerful weapon capable of helping you win wars. Done carelessly, and Avery can blow up in your face.
I realize that Avery and Sather both signed the arbitrator’s $1.9 million peace offering and that both sides are now talking “nice-nice”. But Avery’s initial reaction to Sather’s overly harsh treatment of him during the arbitration process is proof that Slats had already dropped the Nitro, and the inevitable explosion will come next summer.
Ordinarily the story would end here because we all know what happened and why it happened … or do we? It turns out that up until now, we’ve only been presented with a partial picture of the events surrounding the arbitration process. However, brand new evidence from a strange, yet somewhat familiar, source will astound even the hardened hockey fan.
The source I speak of is now a part-time European scout for the Rangers. He is a Finnish man with a somewhat Czech-ered past, including a stint as an actor in both Finland and the Czech Republic. Having a hard time making ends meet, he once appeared in a Finnish porn film— getting a good “bang for the buck”.
This scout, who is extremely affable, has a magnetic personality—especially when it comes to beautiful women. He understands the English language quite well when heard or in writing, but he barely speaks a word of it. He is very popular with the Rangers brass when he comes to New York—not the least of which is because of his reputation for knowing how to find all the best European hotspots and parties in Manhattan.
So when he comes to town, it’s nothing for Ranger employees to “put him up” in their guest houses. Wait a minute…guest houses? It couldn’t be...could it? Remember, I said he was Finnish, so you know that we’re not talking about Kato. His name is actually Reijo—Reijo Raitinen.
According to Raitinen, Sather was very thorough in his preparation for the Avery arbitration hearing—gathering documentation on Avery’s entire career. Contrary to popular belief, Slats put together a fair, reasonable outline that effectively stated the Rangers case without being overly harsh to Avery. Sather intended to use the information contained in the outline to create a brief for the arbitration proceedings.
The night before the Rangers had to present the Avery brief to the arbitrator, Sather and a lower-level, but trusted, assistant were having coffee at local bistro. All of the Avery documentation was in Sather’s briefcase when Slats and his assistant went to the men’s room to answer nature’s cappuccino call.
Both men were standing at the urinals when Sather (with one hand holding his briefcase) used his other hand to loosen his own belt. It is at this time when Sather endured the executive embarrassment of eternity, which began when Slats’ slacks slipped (try saying that 3 times fast).
Then, while trying to grab his trousers, Sather’s hand hooked his Hanes—accidentally pulling them down. And when I say that Sather “dropped his briefs”, I mean that Sather really dropped his briefs—as the Avery documents came tumbling out of his briefcase and all over the grungy bathroom floor.
Bottomless, bewildered and berserk, Sather frantically put the papers back in the folders. However, in his haste Slats placed the papers from Avery’s “Pre-Rangers” folder into the “2007 Arbitration” folder and vice-versa.
Completely pressed for time now, Sather handed his “2007 Arbitration” folder to his assistant, who then couriered them to Cam Hope, the Rangers Assistant General Manger of Hockey Operations. Then against all hope, Cam wrote the final arbitration briefs from misplaced documents out of the wrong folder.
The Avery briefs presented to the arbitrator said (among other disparaging verbiage) that Avery was “a reasonably effective player as well as a detriment to the team”. This statement is absolutely true—from 1999 to February 4, 2006. Shortly after February 5, 2006 (the day he was traded to the Rangers) we all know that Avery was an extremely effective player who was a major asset to the team.
By the time of the arbitration date, July 30, the briefs had already been submitted to the arbitrator. Sather had since discovered the mistake, but it was too late—they had to proceed with what they had previously written. As Sather and Hope (soiled briefs and all) stormed into the hearing, they replaced Simpson detectives, Tom Lange and Philip Vannatter, as the latest version of “Dumb and Dumber”.
Of course, the ultimate irony in this fantastic farce is that it was never a case of premeditated mediation mangling (as commonly believed), instead it was a case of unplanned underwear undermining.
You may ask how did Reijo learn the details of the “Brew House Brief Bungling”? Apparently on the night of July 30, while “hanging” at the Rangers corporate offices, he heard three mysterious, loud thumps. Quite concerned, Reijo had a secretary call the police. After detectives investigated the incident, they discovered no signs of burglary or foul play. Instead, the sounds actually came from Sather himself, who had pounded his fist on desk three times in anger over the day’s events.
You may also ask how do I know Reijo? Well, it turns out that we have a mutual friend—
the girl he costarred with in that Finnish flesh flick. She and I have what you might call a...uh-hum...professional relationship.
How will all that transpired affect the Rangers in the short-term? Ironically, it could help them. With Avery playing like man possessed next year (trying to earn a big UFA payday) and the Rangers having a very strong team already, a little luck and some timely tinkering by the otherwise competent Sather could result in another ticker tape parade down the Canyon of Heroes next June.
Certainly, the Rangers are considered contenders for the Cup, but in all likelihood their chances of winning it are relatively low. As good as they are, the Rangers still have a number of holes to fill, and the very competitive nature of the NHL makes it difficult for any team to win it all.
As for the long-term consequences of the Avery affair, fear not, I have no doubt that one day the Rangers will again “Skate the Cup”. The only problem I have with this prediction is that of timing—given that the Rangers big day might well be the same day that O.J. and his posse of PIs make good on their 1994 promise and catch the “real killer”.
Which leads to my final word of warning to Ranger fans—don’t hold your collective breaths while waiting for the next Stanley Cup. With the “Avery Curse” soon to be hanging over the Rangers heads, this wait may “last a lifetime”.
DISCLAIMERS: Everything written after (and including) the paragraph that begins “Ordinarily the story would end here…” is completely fabricated—a figment of my “slightly-warped” imagination. To the best of my knowledge Slats' slacks never slipped, and every fan’s favorite Finnish house guest, Reijo Raitinen, does not actually exist—but it was sure fun partying with him!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
